Happy 2011 everyone. In the interim of my last writing, around Thanksgiving, my beautiful grandmother with Alzheimer’s died. I went down there to learn how to take care of her in case of emergencies and in the days following my return she passed away in the night. I am so gratified that I got to spend some of her last days with her and that I got to say goodbye. So many people have regrets when they do not say good-bye to loved ones, and I am not one of those people.
On the job front, in the days before I went to be with my grandmother, my p/t receptionist job called to ask if I wanted to fill in for one of the Assistants who was leaving the company the next day. It would be f/t and the pay would increase, so I said yes. So for the past couple months I have gone back to doing what I loathe: working as an EA. The only good that has come from the ridiculous hours and countless amounts of bullshit I have to swallow is the fact that this private equity firm, while having one foot solidly planted in the evil empire of NY finance, actually treats its employees incredibly well, including its temp employees. The COO with whom I interviewed called to personally ask me to come to the holiday party. He asked if I had seen the email invite, and I said yes, but as a temp employee I had disregarded it. He said to please consider coming, so I did. And then, the following week, a serious Christmas miracle occurred: they called to tell me that for the Christmas and New Year’s holiday we had have off both Fridays and Mondays, and that I would be paid for both days both weeks. I was getting holiday pay. As a TEMP. This is completely unheard of. It is impossible. It’s like them calling me and saying, “You’ve done such a great job that we are going to get you your very own unicorn. How’s that?” It’s fucking crazy. So I had 4 days off at the holidays and got paid for them. And on top of that, the team I’m working for gave me a really sweet card and an AmEx gift check. So to review, I am a temp, and I got holiday pay and a bonus. I have been a permanent employee and received less from jobs. Now, I know NY Finance is the devil, but damn, they sure do treat their employees right. They make shit-tons of moolah and they aren’t afraid to spread it around. I felt like a make-a-wish kid in Disneyland. Because seriously, Assistant work is some of the shittiest work you can get in NY. Granted, it can pay pretty well, but did you see The Human Centipede? It’s basically like that. Your lips are glued to the Execs’ asses and you eat excrement for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. But hey, it’s a job, right????
In other news, even though my paychecks have been steady, I have been growing positively suicidal due to the severity of my mom’s mental illness. At times it is just too much to handle. I am working 10-12 hour days and dealing with her and my newly widowed step-grandfather which has been incredibly stressful. Thank god he has stepped in to take some of the stress that she causes, but it’s still a lot to deal with. I managed to convince her to get a full physical (which I paid for) under the guise that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. I asked the lab techs to run every test known to man and to send them to me pronto. To my dismay, my mom’s craziness is not due to a thyroid problem. In fact, she is completely physically healthy, and for that I should be grateful. But I was really hoping that her behavior could be explained by some physical cause, and that some medications would be in order. Because the problem is, my mom doesn’t think she’s crazy. There’s this saying that if you think you’re crazy, you’re not. I never fully understood that until faced with my mom’s craziness. You see, I know I’m crazy, therefore I’m not truly. She has no idea and denies vehemently that she’s crazy, which means she is. I love a good paradox, don’t you? So with all this, I have grown increasingly despondent and suicidal. My poor Sig Oth only recently learned the depths of my depression. I am internalizing and having horrible thoughts. I’m going to have to get power of atty and have my mom declared incompetent. I already am paying her bills and everything else. It’s totally overwhelming. All the while I am trying to impress at this Finance job b/c they pay really well. I’m ready to break. I’m questioning my sanity. Listen the the song above.
Posted on January 9, 2011
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