Happy 2011 everyone. In the interim of my last writing, around Thanksgiving, my beautiful grandmother with Alzheimer’s died. I went down there to learn how to take care of her in case of emergencies and in the days following my return she passed away in the night. I am so gratified that I got to spend some of her last days with her and that I got to say goodbye. So many people have regrets when they do not say good-bye to loved ones, and I am not one of those people.
On the job front, in the days before I went to be with my grandmother, my p/t receptionist job called to ask if I wanted to fill in for one of the Assistants who was leaving the company the next day. It would be f/t and the pay would increase, so I said yes. So for the past couple months I have gone back to doing what I loathe: working as an EA. The only good that has come from the ridiculous hours and countless amounts of bullshit I have to swallow is the fact that this private equity firm, while having one foot solidly planted in the evil empire of NY finance, actually treats its employees incredibly well, including its temp employees. The COO with whom I interviewed called to personally ask me to come to the holiday party.  He asked if I had seen the email invite, and I said yes, but as a temp employee I had disregarded it. He said to please consider coming, so I did. And then, the following week, a serious Christmas miracle occurred: they called to tell me that for the Christmas and New Year’s holiday we had have off both Fridays and Mondays, and that I would be paid for both days both weeks. I was getting holiday pay. As a TEMP. This is completely unheard of. It is impossible. It’s like them calling me and saying, “You’ve done such a great job that we are going to get you your very own unicorn. How’s that?” It’s fucking crazy. So I had 4 days off at the holidays and got paid for them. And on top of that, the team I’m working for gave me a really sweet card and an AmEx gift check. So to review, I am a temp, and I got holiday pay and a bonus.  I have been a permanent employee and received less from jobs.    Now, I know NY Finance is the devil, but damn, they sure do treat their employees right. They make shit-tons of moolah and they aren’t afraid to spread it around. I felt like a make-a-wish kid in Disneyland. Because seriously, Assistant work is some of the shittiest work you can get in NY. Granted, it can pay pretty well, but did you see The Human Centipede? It’s basically like that. Your lips are glued to the Execs’ asses and you eat excrement for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. But hey, it’s a job, right????
In other news, even though my paychecks have been steady, I have been growing positively suicidal due to the severity of my mom’s mental illness. At times it is just too much to handle. I am working 10-12 hour days and dealing with her and my newly widowed step-grandfather which has been incredibly stressful. Thank god he has stepped in to take some of the stress that she causes, but it’s still a lot to deal with. I managed to convince her to get a full physical (which I paid for) under the guise that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. I asked the lab techs to run every test known to man and to send them to me pronto. To my dismay, my mom’s craziness is not due to a thyroid problem. In fact, she is completely physically healthy, and for that I should be grateful. But I was really hoping that her behavior could be explained by some physical cause, and that some medications would be in order. Because the problem is, my mom doesn’t think she’s crazy. There’s this saying that if you think you’re crazy, you’re not. I never fully understood that until faced with my mom’s craziness. You see, I know I’m crazy, therefore I’m not truly. She has no idea and denies vehemently that she’s crazy, which means she is.  I love a good paradox, don’t you? So with all this, I have grown increasingly despondent and suicidal. My poor Sig Oth only recently learned the depths of my depression. I am internalizing and having horrible thoughts. I’m going to have to get power of atty and have my mom declared incompetent. I already am paying her bills and everything else. It’s totally overwhelming. All the while I am trying to impress at this Finance job b/c they pay really well. I’m ready to break.  I’m questioning my sanity.  Listen the the song above.

So thing are nice at my p/t afternoon/evening gig. I have zero responsibility, which means I’m making next to nothing. But hey, I’m finally getting a steady paycheck, and they have nice snacks and anything I could ever want to drink in the fridge so I’m golden. Now I’m just waiting to hear back from PB as to when they are going to start paying me to take the reigns and drive the company forward. The nice thing about this p/t job is that I can do my home office PB work from here and they don’t have a problem with it. So soon, I will be garnering 2 very small paychecks. Whoohoo! And then every once in a while I will get commission for booking travel for my dad’s band. I just MIGHT make it.

The problem is I am v stressed out. I still don’t have health care. I don’t have apartment insurance. I just had to pay my mom’s rent b/c she is crazy and unemployed, and not only that she has NO RETIREMENT. I will be paying for everything for her very, very soon. My grandmother is in the final stages of Alzheimer’s and the middle of this month I am going down there to learn how to take care of her and change her diaper. I hate to unload this litany of complaints, but I guess when it comes down to it I am living in fear. Not even fear. Terror. Any second the other shoe could drop and my world could collapse like one of those little drinking cups nature freaks use. I mean “outdoor enthusiasts.” Whatever. And this is no way to live. I love Frank Herbert’s Dune. I know not to give in to fear. Fear is the mindkiller. Fear is the little death. Which I guess is the only reason I even have the wherewithall to get up in the morning anymore. It’s no wonder I was completly medicated all those years. Grownup life is scary. I seriously considered jumping off the roof of my building this past weekend, until I realized it’s only 6 stories and I’d probably just end up a quadriplegic*. That is something I seriously don’t want. I’m sure once I get used to living on these miniscule paychecks then I’ll develop a savings plan, and then maybe we’ll have that universal healthcare that was passed, then maybe I’ll finally get some insurance for my apartment so I don’t wake up at night thinking I’m going to lose everything in a fiery Chinatown tenement fire, and then maybe I’ll be able to get my mom evaluated and/or committed, and then maybe, just MAYBE I’ll be ok.

Sounds like a plan, huh?

*And thanks to my good friend S. xoxo!

OK, so how crazy is this? Because of my work with Point Blank doing hotel reservations I have gotten ANOTHER side gig as a “travel agent” for my dad’s band! They needed someone to book their travel and since I have done event and travel planning for ages my dad suggested me. Yay for nepotism! I wasn’t sure what kind of commission to charge but I did some research and made a crazy lowball offer and they accepted. So last night I was up late making arrangements for them to go to Vegas. They usually drive to their gigs but since this one is far they needed to fly. They also would all be leaving at different times, and there were some issues about carry-ons (is it ok to carry-on a hard-sided guitar case?), so they needed someone to take the time to work out the details. And that someone is now me. So, they won’t be needing flights all the time, but every once on a while I can get some cash that way. Cha-ching! So excited! I now have 3 p/t jobs.

And I start  my job at the private equity firm today.  Things are moving forward!  Whew!

So here’s the latest: Things might be ok!  The owner of my home-based business accepted my ridiculously low-ball offer to pay me to drive the business forward in her absence, AND I had an interview today and I got the permanent p/t position at a major private equity group (where I had previously temped), and there I will have the freedom to also work on my home-based business.  Granted, both of these “salaries” are less than half of what I’m used to making, but I have little to no stress/responsibility at the private equity firm, so I can focus on making my “real” job, where I am my own boss, a success.  Whoohoo!  Tentatively optimistic?!

My goals: 1) Grab a low but steady paycheck from private equity firm 2) Build Point Blank into a viable, multi-million dollar company within the next 2-3 years* 3) Reap benefits.

*Ok, 2-3 years might be a little unrealistic, but this is nyc.  Anything can happen.

So I have made hundreds if not thousands of Sales calls and nothing has panned out. The few proposals I’ve done were not accepted. It has been v frustrating and disappointing. One of the main probs is that the company I’m independently contracting out to has put off getting the Website done for like 5 months. Anytime I have someone interested in me getting them a group rate at a hotel or looking up convention space for them, they inevitably want to check out the company I represent by going to our Website, which we don’t have. It makes me look totally illegitimate! Nightmare. Also, over all of these months my boss hasn’t really been there. Originally we were going to have weekly Sales meetings, etc., and they never materialized. Last weekend I finally I contacted the owner of the company and we talked on Sunday. It tuns out my boss had agreed to be full-time, hands on, but she was never fully able to live up to that level of commitment. The company is basically foundering in the owner’s absence (she started the company but then got a huge consulting gig so she hired my boss to take over in her absence; she’ll be returning in less than a year). She told me she had actually authorized the expenditure for the Website a month and a half ago, but my boss was never able to get enough time together to work it out with the designer!  Since I live in a cheap Chinatown tenement it wouldn’t take a lot for me to work from home full-time and still be able to pay my bills.  I could get a very low number to her, if I needed to.  Then, I would also have my commissions as things got better.

In light of these developments, the owner asked if I would be interested in taking over full time and driving the company forward, and if so, what would be my absolute BARE MINIMUM that I would require monetarily so as to not have to take outside temp jobs to get by (while I have taken an odd temp job here and there, they aren’t really rolling in and I am almost flat broke).  I was pretty excited by this prospect!  I love being in charge!

But here’s the caveat: even if I do decide to work for this company full time, and I throw out a ridiculously low number, she still may decided to put the company on hold until she comes back. She doesn’t want to spend the $10k for the Website if the company isn’t going anywhere right now. So even if I say yes she still may say no.

In other news, I also interviewed for a high-paying job at a Finance firm 2 weeks ago or so, and I am supposed to find out this week if I made it to the 2nd round of interviews. I would be absolutely miserable at this job, but it pays well and it has the best benefits of any company I’ve seen. Like throwback 1950′s benefits: 401K, Life , Health, Death & Dismemberment, and a few things I wasn’t even familiar with. But they told me in no uncertain terms that the main person I’d be working for is “difficult,” which translates to “raging asshole” in NYese. I would basically be working for a team of people, which is never fun. But I would take the job at this point b/c what else do I have? I have no Health benefits, and not a dime for retirement. God, financial planning sucks.

I am completely disappointed in how my life has turned out thus far. I have done a lot of great, fun things, but all I have to show for them are my memories and maybe a picture taken at a fabulous party here and there. I have ultimately been a complete failure, as far as planning for my future is concerned.

Well, just a quick update. I got my LLC, started working for myself as an independent contractor to Point Blank, a hospitality consultancy, and I’ve made jack shit. So I have been temping here and there to pay the bills and not freak out that fall is fast approaching, which means the holidays are right around the corner. Not to mention that I have to save for a huge personal milestone next year, and let’s not forget that I cashed out my 401k in the crash so I have no savings, no retirement, and no healthcare. God I am this*close to freaking out. Will I ever find true monetary success? Ready to chuck it.

Well, I have been dilgently working away from my home job and I have absolutely bupkis to show for it. I get up, work out, make a buncha sales calls, and so far nothing has panned out. I have not made a single reservation. I have made zero dollars. I am running out of $$$ fast. I know that it takes a long time to build up a good Sales clientele, but of course I was hoping this was gonna be easy. You know, for once in my life. But NO. Hard work is the way for me, it seems. Gosh, sometimes I just wanna chuck it and be a drug dealer. Kidding!

But in other news, I sent off last week for my own LLC. I am my own company and I freelance for Point Blank. That’s kind of exciting, but it’s also $200 I didn’t need to spend. I need $ coming in, not going out! So yesterday I broke down and registered with a new temp agency, United Staffing. I was really bummed about going b/c I met with a different agency last week and they were so horrible. Completely bottom-of-the-barrel. If I could remember their name I would warn you not to ever use them. Staffmark, that’s their name.  They were so terrible! And it was a torrential downpour so I got soaked AND completely wasted my time. I was pissed, to say the least. So I wasn’t that jazzed to be trying another agency, but I really needed to get myself out there so I made an appointment and I went. To my surprise, all 5 of the people I met were really enthusiastic about me, my resume, and my skills. The woman at Staffmark completely tore me down and made me feel like crap. I am too hireable, you crazy old bat! Anyway, THESE people saw that I have been working throughoutt the economic downturn, and even if it was temp stuff I kept at it to stay employed. That is important, people! There are a lot of people who STILL can’t manage to find work, and it’s not even their fault. So the people at United really made me feel good about finding P/T or temp work, and lo and behold, on my way back home they called me with a temp assignment for today. No shit! Just like that. So I am finally confident that I will be bringing $ in again, and still be able to grow my business and make a decent life for myself. Not just decent. Great. A GREAT life for myself. That’s what I want. I’m sick of working for assholes! I’m gonna have one crazy b*tch boss and that is me!!!

So…I have a new job!  I can’t go into all the details but I am Global Service Director at Point Blank, a hospitality consultancy.  I am in Group Sales, and basically, if your company is having an off-site meeting or event or convention and needs a great group rate at a 4 or 5 star hotel, I can get it for you.  Or I will be able to really soon.  My training starts next week.  I am so excited!  I will be working with some really talented people, and I can work from home!!!  It is really scary because I have never done anything like this, but my former boss from Hotel brought me in and I am going to give it a shot.  So for now I will be chronicling what it’s like to work from home, and the challenges associated with working on commission.  It’s so frightening, but I can do this!  I never want to go back to another office again.  Ever.  Wish me luck!  Kisses!

Once upon a time I loved Frankenstein,  And i think he loved me.  But those days are gone.

Put us on MTV/all we really need/beggin’ on our knees/please please please please please

So I just applied to a job at MTV, and no joke, this was my cover letter:

Dear Hiring Manager,

I am freaking amazing.  I managed to stay busy during the economic downturn by temping.  Now I’m ready for a f/t gig at MTV.  I know your hiring processes tend to skew young (shhhh, I won’t tell), but I assure you that while I am completely immature, I’m also a professional (insert job here), so you get the best of both worlds.  I don’t know if you can afford me, but I’m eager to find out.

Best regards,

EveL

Hey, they say to cater to your audience and personalize.  If I get a call on this one I will love it!